the road we travel

winds, twists, turns … meanders, up hills, down hills. companions by our side. us by theirs. and it is bliss. once they are gone, grief impedes our ability to see. that the bliss remains. love every day

5 april 1993 - 13 july 2008

Tipping point

There comes a time when your relationship with your animal companions shifts. When it switches from them caring for you – welcoming you when you come home, accompanying you on walks, reading at the beach, and wandering through galleries – to you caring for them. When they can no longer run with you to the post-office, jump into the bed, or sleep in that extra hour (or two or three) because they move slowly and with care, or need to get up – to go out, drink water – and you change to accommodate them. Because they have been so good to you for so many years. And you love them. It is a natural switch, not a sacrifice. One you realize only after you have made it. For love. For friendship. For grace. Every day.

The Raw and the Cooked

In The Raw and the Cooked, Claude Levi-Strauss discusses the structures of myths as basic frameworks by which to understand cultural relations. The theory goes, that you can understand the structures of a culture by understanding the binary oppositions present in the culture’s mythology. In a simplistic reading of the title of this book – raw is associated with nature and cooked with culture.

Which brings me to today. I have been struggling with the anti-social (read, away-from-culture) nature of being raw. The difficulties going out to dinner as a “normal” (read, member of my culture) person only to get wilted lettuce, tasteless tomatoes, and the discomfort that comes from being dissatisfied while everyone else at the table is enjoying their cooked (read, part of culture, society) foods.

So I’ve been experimenting eating cooked foods. And I feel like crap every time. I get bloated, puffy, congested … so the challenge question is, how to develop some sort of continuum, a conversation within the binary system that enables you to remain raw (natural, healthy, feeling good in your body) while participating in the cooked world. What types of ccoked foods enable you to share (to break bread together – a symbol of friendship, connection, and trust) without making you sick … ?

Celebration

Yesterday was Nessa, my labrador retriever’s, 15th birthday. She is REALLY old for a lab, and I have this acute awareness that we are on borrowed time. And I am deeply grateful for every day that I have with her. Because there is not a day that we are together, that she doesn’t teach me – to be present, to be content, to be amazed, to be open to possibilities, to love unabashedly. So I threw her a Quinceanera – a full-on 15th birthday party with her dog and people and little-people friends, filled with fun, Mexican foods, a pinata, and gourmet doggie pastries (thanks Nina!). Everyone was there for her, and she knew it. Last night on our walk, she moved with a little more spring in her step. xx

Wagon

I think the best thing about the juice feast is that it is like a shared-wagon that circles through your neighborhood every day and you can get on or off at any time. Any time you get on there are others already on board. And when you get off you know you’re able to catch a ride the next time you need/want one and be in good company. Juice. No judgement.

Essence

Birds are singing outside. And since I’ve stopped the music blasting on the stereo, I can hear them. Singing.

Ahimsa

I recently felt/saw/experienced just how hard on myself I am. Twisting. My shoulders are going through some things right now, so I can’t weight-bear on my arms. But twists – I LOVE them (I also am twisty, so that helps …). Doing twists without my arms enabled me to see how hard I push. How much I use my arms as levers to wring (wrench) my spine to squeeze all my organs, so that the blood comes rushing back in. To stop the twist once I felt it in my shoulders changed everything for me. It brought it inside in a new way. Awareness. Kindness. Non-judgment. Today. xx

Step back

It really is amazing how much you can learn when you lay off yourself for a bit. Accepting a limitation, and instead of berating it, pushing to the limit of your comfort every day – to just really step back and lay off. For me, with my shoulder(s) it has taught me that it is ok to be where I am and that just because things aren’t what I expected or I’m not where I imagined I’d be, that there is still a lot to be gained and learned from where I am. I still don’t know exactly what is going on in my shoulders – structural, emotional, repetitive stress – or some combination of all three. But not practicing in the same way, allowing myself to not use them for a bit, and exploring what else can be done when not using them and staying with where I am has been a challenge but so far rewarding because – without this situation – I’d never have eased up on myself enough to explore these softer, more intimate spaces.

Vastness

Sometimes it seems so overwhelming. The problems in the world – food, the environment, poverty, health, water, torture, war, species depletion, homelessness, hatred, the economy, access to healthcare, overcroweded animal shelters – they seem to go on and on and on and on. It is hard at times like these – when so many things are in such precarious shape to choose which one to focus on, because it invariably means that others you will not have the effort or hours (or even seconds) in the day to strive for. I don’t know how people want to be president and have to deal will all of these issues. For me it is overwhelming. I try to pick the ones that I think I can have the most impact. And believe that my efforts matter. Like voting tomorrow – after 2000 and 2004, it all seems a bit of a joke. That who will be sitting in the oval office next January has somehow already been determined. But if I don’t vote, I have no chance of being heard. And if I do vote – well, I know I voted … And I come back to the question of impact. Of a ripple in the ocean. One day, one person, one posture, one breath at a time. It sometimes doesn’t seem enough given what we are up against. But then, if everyone could breathe clean air, feel good in their bodies, and take a step back and allow themselves some time and perspective to contemplate prior to acting on the things that come up in their lives – maybe, just maybe, a lot of the things we are facing today will get a lot better. Or is that just how I rationalize my existence and the fact that I’m not trying to be a write-in candidate on super-Tuesday??

Dogs and children

If you have a dog, you always get the best part of the avocado. If you have a child – you spend your life eating the bruised sections. I used to feel bad for giving my dog the bruised part, thinking I was a bad “mother” but then I reminded myself that she eats horse poo from the trails, cat poo from the box, and who-knows-what-else when I’m not looking. I think about it every time I give her a bruised section. But I also have to admit that if she didn’t like it and wouldn’t eat it, I’d give her a non-bruised section. Kind of like how I barely have a corner of the bed now that she has taken to snuggling at night instead of staking out her own side or lying across my legs like she did when she was younger … (I am glad she doesn’t complain about the avocado, though …)