Ahimsa

I recently felt/saw/experienced just how hard on myself I am. Twisting. My shoulders are going through some things right now, so I can’t weight-bear on my arms. But twists – I LOVE them (I also am twisty, so that helps …). Doing twists without my arms enabled me to see how hard I push. How much I use my arms as levers to wring (wrench) my spine to squeeze all my organs, so that the blood comes rushing back in. To stop the twist once I felt it in my shoulders changed everything for me. It brought it inside in a new way. Awareness. Kindness. Non-judgment. Today. xx

Step back

It really is amazing how much you can learn when you lay off yourself for a bit. Accepting a limitation, and instead of berating it, pushing to the limit of your comfort every day – to just really step back and lay off. For me, with my shoulder(s) it has taught me that it is ok to be where I am and that just because things aren’t what I expected or I’m not where I imagined I’d be, that there is still a lot to be gained and learned from where I am. I still don’t know exactly what is going on in my shoulders – structural, emotional, repetitive stress – or some combination of all three. But not practicing in the same way, allowing myself to not use them for a bit, and exploring what else can be done when not using them and staying with where I am has been a challenge but so far rewarding because – without this situation – I’d never have eased up on myself enough to explore these softer, more intimate spaces.

Vastness

Sometimes it seems so overwhelming. The problems in the world – food, the environment, poverty, health, water, torture, war, species depletion, homelessness, hatred, the economy, access to healthcare, overcroweded animal shelters – they seem to go on and on and on and on. It is hard at times like these – when so many things are in such precarious shape to choose which one to focus on, because it invariably means that others you will not have the effort or hours (or even seconds) in the day to strive for. I don’t know how people want to be president and have to deal will all of these issues. For me it is overwhelming. I try to pick the ones that I think I can have the most impact. And believe that my efforts matter. Like voting tomorrow – after 2000 and 2004, it all seems a bit of a joke. That who will be sitting in the oval office next January has somehow already been determined. But if I don’t vote, I have no chance of being heard. And if I do vote – well, I know I voted … And I come back to the question of impact. Of a ripple in the ocean. One day, one person, one posture, one breath at a time. It sometimes doesn’t seem enough given what we are up against. But then, if everyone could breathe clean air, feel good in their bodies, and take a step back and allow themselves some time and perspective to contemplate prior to acting on the things that come up in their lives – maybe, just maybe, a lot of the things we are facing today will get a lot better. Or is that just how I rationalize my existence and the fact that I’m not trying to be a write-in candidate on super-Tuesday??

Dogs and children

If you have a dog, you always get the best part of the avocado. If you have a child – you spend your life eating the bruised sections. I used to feel bad for giving my dog the bruised part, thinking I was a bad “mother” but then I reminded myself that she eats horse poo from the trails, cat poo from the box, and who-knows-what-else when I’m not looking. I think about it every time I give her a bruised section. But I also have to admit that if she didn’t like it and wouldn’t eat it, I’d give her a non-bruised section. Kind of like how I barely have a corner of the bed now that she has taken to snuggling at night instead of staking out her own side or lying across my legs like she did when she was younger … (I am glad she doesn’t complain about the avocado, though …)